SUNNYVALE, CA, Jan 11, 2006 (YARDLEYPRESS) — Yahoo! Inc. (Nasdaq:YAHOO), a leading global Internet company, today announced the acquisition of an unnamed Web 2.0 company three days before it was to be founded. “Yahoo! is committed to generating mass quantities of free public relations by acquiring more pre-revenue, pre-business plan companies than any other global Internet company,” said Chris P. Bacon, Director of Hype Production.
“We’ve been acquiring companies earlier and earlier – before VC funding, before revenue, and in some cases before the completion of their products,” explained Hugh Jorgan, newly-appointed Vice President of Pre-Business Development. “By buying companies before they’re founded, we move directly to the natural conclusion of the trend.”
Yahoo’s! Department of Compiling and Distributing Favorable News Clippings to Executives is already girding itself for the inevitable deluge of laudatory press. “I mean, our latest ‘acquisition’ was described by its author as ‘buggy software,’ which ‘may and probably will crash your browser or cause your computer to burst into flames’, but it still became one of the most discussed topics in the industry,” laughed Director of Stapling Kerry Oki. “This time around, we’re expecting nothing less than the establishment of a major religion.”
Would-Have-Been-Founder Tad Pohl joins Yahoo! Search Marketing as Head Associate of Typo Correction. “I initially thought I was just being offered a job,” he said, “but Yahoo saw the possibilities in the company I was thinking about building while waiting to get into a World of Warcraft battleground.” Yahoo! has acquired all intellectual property of the acquired not-yet-company, which includes “something about tags and RSS and maybe a mashup with Google Maps – plus a pretty sweet idea for a lower-case pastel-colored logo.”
Yahoo! is projected to acquire over two thousand additional not-yet-founded single-individual companies in 2006, making them the largest pre-acquisitor in the course of human history. “Our strategic acquisitions will be the primary reason for the existence of the blogosphere for years to come,” explained Chris P. Bacon. “This is going to be bigger than the rumored release of Google’s four-blade disposable razor.”